Heavy with expectation

I headed out the front door in almost a run. I was, of course, running a few minutes behind. The warmth of the day caught my attention and I couldn't resist taking a deep breath. I paused just a moment before pulling the handle of the car door. Looking skyward I saw them.

Giants hung overhead. They filled the sky and all but obilerated the blue that had just a few moments before so carelessly colored the expanse above me. Now the giants loomed, dark and heavy. They looked like the child whose mouth is too full of water, ready to burst forth the contents any second now.

Despite the gray skies moving quickly into my day and over that joyful blue, I felt light and full of expectation. Not inspite of those clouds. No,no, because of them. It is still February and February in Delaware can mean harsh cold temperatures and piles of white (or very quickly dirty brown) stuff. February often likes to remind us here that spring is still weeks away and she does her best to chill our bones.

A few minutes later sitting in my meeting facing a window I watched as the huge rain drops began to explode on the pavement outside. Then it came like the bursting of something held back for a long time. It poured. Leaving the meeting I passed someone coming in the door as I was going out and she said, "Try to stay dry!" I smiled and responded. I wasn't worried about staying dry though. All I could think about was "it looks like spring out there!" Last weekend we had warm temps that made everyone hungry for what yet is still a dream. Then the snow came with the start of the new work week. Still, here we are back at today, warm and raining (and as I type, blowing hard like March, but blue again.)

This week, like most of my weeks, has been very busy and there was little time to pause and reflect. Something I need time to do in order to write. There was time to reflect on my school paper for it needed to get done (and finally, months into the project, it is mailed and I can move on to the second paper. Only nine to go, lol.) But there was the usual laundry pile. (I used to call it Mt. Never-rest, back when I had four and five kids in the house. Today it's more of a foot hill than a mountain - Praise God!) There is my work schedule for the garage. Cleaning; keeping current with teenagers lives, grades, loves, and projects; checking in with sick friends to see what I can do; praying with one several times; and all the other normal weekly things that have a way of piling up and silently screaming at me if I neglect them too long.

This blog took a backseat for the moment. Today as I thought about my reaction to the giant storm clouds as they rolled into my day I wondered for a split second why. Why was I glad to see them? The reasons were not far behind. The warmth promised rain not snow. The rain promises green grass and budding trees. Those clouds were heavy with promise, heavy with the expectation that spring will come as surely as dawn.

In my own life there are giants hanging over my head and yet I can't help but feel excited at the knowledge that they are there. Not because I like the rain that will surely fall, but from what that will produce in my life. There are things that are time consuming and difficult; there are challenges in our family life; there is uncertainty in important issues and decisions; and there are possible losses to come. Yet, I know that whatever rain falls it's because He reigns. He has a reason and will make sure it produces new green sprouts and buds bursting with life and color in my life. My life is heavy with expectations: expectations of finishing my degree, with completing my book, with opportunity to use my teaching/speaking skills again. Expectations of enjoying better days with my husband. Expectations of the joys that come with grandchildren growing up, a son completing Jr. High, a daughter heading into her senior year. Expectations full and weighty with good things. The air tingles with the sense of the presence of those giants looming large. But I am rejoicing. For I know the promise; I know the One who promises; and I know He is faithful.

Seen any storm clouds lately?