Goofy Like Me

Have you ever found that your real desire lies beneath the blanket of wants and thoughts and years? I did. I had a desire, or perhaps more rightly stated a pressing thought, I was to be the mother of six.

At sixteen years old I had the striking sense that I was to become the mother of six children. I don't know why six or why at sixteen this became the burning desire within my heart, but it did. I dreamt about it. I chewed on the idea and tried to picture myself at the ripe old age of 30 or 35 with that many little ones playing at my feet. It wasn't a difficult thing to imagine. I was the oldest in my family and I had been baabysitting for others since I was 10 years old. Yes, 10; we did things a bit different back in the day and I was well supervised and responsible for my age. In the years of carefree living that followed though those thoughts easily slipped into other places and quickly were dismissed, forgotten. I put it away for a day far ahead and set about life.

In the course of life, I married my husband and together we had four wonderful children. After the birth of number four, we decided that my body had done enough of this. Childbearing was not an easy thing for me and each time became a little more worrisome. So we took steps to see that we would not have any more children.

Within a few years I was pining for what should have been. And in short God answered my heart with the adoption of my youngest son. We fully intended to adopt again and quickly, but time and money did not allow us to pursue that dream. It was once again put away for some other time. I forgot about it for a season.

In January 2004 a commercial came on TV about adoption and my thoughts stirred toward what we thought would be by then. I prayed about it. A couple of weeks later I went to my husband and suggested he also pray about it. His response was not so favorable.

"I am almost 50. I don't want a baby. I'm closer to thinking about being a granddaddy than daddy again." I didn't want an infant this time either. The thought of diapers and 2 am feedings caused thoughts more a kin to despair and panic than tender desire. I wanted to consider adopting an older child. A six or ten year old would fit nicely into our family. My husband reluctantly agreed to pray about it. That was all I could ask. After all, if this was a "God thing" it would work out and if it wasn't then I really didn't want it anyway. I put it back on the shelf and gave it to God, forgetting it for a couple of months.

In April of that year, Rich, my hubby came to me and said, "You remember asing me about adoption back in January?" Well of course I did. But I assured him I was "over it" and he didn't need to worry about it. I had thought about it and decided I had been moved in emotions. His response scared me to death! "Well, I think you were right then and I believe God is calling us to do this. Why don't you pray again about it?" I didn't want to pray about it! I had already thought this through and moved on. But I reluctantly agreed.

Fast forward to August of 2004 and the same commercial plays on the TV while I fold clothes. It caught my heart once again. I stopped what I was doing and sat down on the edge of the bed to watch it. Tears rushed into my eyes and spilled onto my face. The desire for another child, for a specific child screamed in my heart like the wail of a newborn baby. To ears there was silence when I turned off the TV, but inside my heart there was the sound of birth as my will and fear stepped aside to allow this birth, or really the re-birth of a dream, the desire of my heart to come forth.

Richard and I were finally ready for this together. We made some phone calls, signed up for classes, talked to our five chidren, and went for the interview with the social worker. A year later, ten days before our second daughter married her sweetheart, our homestudy was completed and the search was on to find our daughter. In that first month I spent more time on the computer looking at faces and on my knees seeking God's face than I did anything else.

On November 1, 2005 we received an email from our worker with information about a child that was just that day moved onto the "list". Meaning, she had been a foster child and that day was moved onto the adoption list, available for adoption. However, when we started this process we were looking for a little boy around 6, then 6-10; then we decided a girl would work better in our family, so a girl 6-9, then 10; our worker thought we should push it to 11, and so we did.

This child was 12. I called my worker without opeing the attachment, and proceeded to ask if she had lost her mind. "This girl is fully a pre-teen, almost a young woman," I told her. The worker assured me she was not crazy and reminded me of her 25 years of experience in this field. She told me that when she received the information from the child's worker that morning and had looked at the girl's picture something told her this child was a "Collins" (our family name). She told me to look at the picture, read the profile and then, if I said no, she would not say another word about it. I agreed to that much.

I opened the attached file and there before my eyes was this pretty little blond hair, blue eyed child that looked almost identical to my niece. My emotions stirred and my mind began to whirl with questions. I read her profile and had some doubts there also. We had said "not from our home state; no biological sibs to keep up with; under 11yo". Her profile violated every one of those stipulations. But my heart was drawn back to that face. I picked up the phone and called my brother. "What was going on with you in 1993? Is it possible that you have a child out there you don't know about?" He didn't take kindly to the questions and reminded me that he was not only married at the time, he was faithful. "are you sure?" The question did not endear me to him. Of course he was sure. This was not my neice. But something in that child both in the picture and the profile drew me to her. I felt like I knew her.

I called my husband at work and expected that he would promptly tell me I was crazy and forget it. Instead he said ok, find out more, and let's pray. And so we did. We left for a ten day vacation a few days later and most of the trip all I could do was think about her. Was she aware of us? Were other families being considered? When could we meet her? Would she feel as certain about us as I did about her?

When we returned home the worker was waiting to give an update and set a date for us to meet. December 7 could not come fast enough for me. When it did I sat the rest of my squirrely little flock down and gave them firm instructions not to scare this poor girl off. Behave was my warning; restrain from the usual teasing and harassing one another in fun. My kids are fun and they love to tease and poke fun at one another. I wanted to break her in slowly to this in case it wasn't something she was used to.

That night came and she came with a list of questions for us. She sat in the corner of the room in a pretty soft pink sweater and jeans with her hair brushed and pinned and looking just a bit nervous. We answered her questions and asked her a few of our own. I thought we did well. I was nervous though because I knew she was supposed to meet another family and then choose between us. I truly do not remember any teasing or nonsense when she was there that night. But she saw right through it. . . .thankfully.

In the car after she left, she told Tiffany (her worker) that she didn't even want to meet the other family; she knew we were her family. The worker asked her how she already knew that. She giggled, "They're goofy - like me!" Two weeks later she moved into our home and six months after that she took our name and legally became our daughter. But November 1 of 2005 is marked in my heart. It is the day I found I was pregnant again; this time with a 12 year old and just a few weeks later the birth of this mother/daughter love became a reality.

I have heard many horror stories of older children adoptions. I am here to tell you that it isn't always so and mostly not so. Almost five years after this amazing young woman stepped into our home and into our hearts, I still daily give thanks that the Lord Jesus saw fit to bring her into our lives. She is a late gift to fulfil the desire of my heart and the fullness of God's goodness toward me and my family.

I share this story with you because November is National Adoption Month and I need to tell others of God's goodness and blessing through the experience of adoption in our lives. More than 500,000 children are presently in the foster care system of this country. 100,000 of those children are waiting for their "forever family". Most of those waiting are older than 8 years old, part of a sibling group, or are a child of color. The blessings and rewards of adopting an older child could not be contained in one book, let alone one small blog. But I would encourage you to pray and consider what your part in the solution to this epidemic of chidren in need would be.

There is a tremendous need for adoptive families , long term foster families, and CASA's. If I can help by answering any questions or point you toward someone who can help please contact me. I would be more than happy to assist you. I can tell you that there is blessing far above what you give when you love the orphan. It is something mentioned more than 60 times in scripture. And it is worth everything you own and everything you are, I give you my word.