Which way I ought to go from here?

"Cheshire-Puss," she began, rather timidly, as she did not at all know whether it would like the name: however, it only grinned a little wider.

"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"

"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.

"I don't much care where ---," said Alice.

"Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat.

"---So long as I get somewhere," Alice added as an explanation.

"Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough."

(from the book Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll)


When I began my own journey into the "wonderland" called seminary I thought I had a pretty good idea of where the path was taking me. I thought I knew exactly what I was called by God to do in the end. Funny thing though, as I have walked along this path I have met with ideas and characters I did not expect to find and as I continually looked toward the "goal" I am discovering that it was not what I thought in the first days of this journey.

Recently I have had several people ask me what I am doing when I'm done with school, and I can confidently say without a shade of doubt, I have no clue. Well, maybe a clue or two. But in truth I don't know exactly. I thought for sure I was going to be counseling and working somehow in attachment therapy and adoption issues because I have a deep concern and love for those who deal with the tough stuff that comes with attachment problems or adoption difficulties. Then it was suggested to me by someone I have profound respect for that I write: start a blog, write a book, "I can see you sitting in some little cafe in Italy sipping tea while researching for your latest novel." Oh, I can see that too:0) Not sure if that's really God's plan though. And now, I can honestly say I don't know where this path will lead. And . . .I am not keeping my eye on the goal that I thought I would on the first day of seminary. Because the goal has changed along the way. I still plan on finishing my bachelor's degree if the Lord allows and I still hope to move into the Master's program for my counseling degree before I'm 55, if the Lord tarries. Those are goals. But that's not where my eyes and heart are set.

As those people have asked me where I'm going with this I have had to stop and ponder it more than once. Where am I going? If I'm not going to counsel or write the great novel (which it's not to say that I won't do either or both of them) what's the point of this journey? Am I wasting time, money, energy? Am I too old to have this kind of dream? I mean honestly, before you start telling me how young I am and how much time I probably have, in truth, if I finish the Master's program I could be almost 60 years old. Most people are retiring not long after that, not thinking of beginning a career. But then, like Alice, I don't know where I'm going. But unlike Alice, I don't need the directions of a Cat with a big ornery grin. I know whose path, if not what path I follow.

I am reminded over and over that He opened these doors; He placed an overwhelming desire for this in my heart years ago; He gave the financial support right when I needed it and the discounts needed to meet the money I had; and He knows what the point is. Maybe I won't ever finish that book (which I am writing by the way, just not in Italy); maybe I won't ever hang a shingle and offer counseling from an office (been sort of doing that from my living room for years anyway); but there's no maybe about it, I will be doing what He brings me to do and I will know it when I get there, just a surely as I know His voice.

The goal? Oh, that's easy. He is my prize and as long as He is at the end of this, does it really matter what else I get to do? It's His desire burning in me anyway and He has set it before me. I am trusting Him to keep me on the correct path and get me to the "someplace" that I need to be in the day that I need to be there. For He is never late, and His time is rarely my time, but it is always perfect.

So where are you going?