The Why's - Remembering Cora

Why do bee stings hurt?
Why does that noise hurt my ears?
Why is milk lumpy?
Why do you have sooooo many freckles?
Why can't I touch the blue up there (in the sky)?
Why, Mommy, why?

My children's questions made me laugh.
My children's questions drove me nuts sometimes.
My children's questions stirred wonder in me,
And caused me to recognize the why's inside of me.


So often I ask why.
Why Father?
Why them?
Why that child?
Why like this?
Why now?
Why? WHY? why?

And I see how small I really am.
How big you really are
And I know
There will be a day of understanding.
One day
When we see you face to face.

The why's won't matter.
They won't even exist.
The perfect clarity of your wisdom and timing will fill our understanding.

Until then Father
I am content to be your child
filled with unanswered why's
and learning to trust you more.


Four years ago today, dear friends of ours lost their five month old little girl to SIDS. It was devastating to them and to those of us who love them. Watching them suffer through the days of waiting while the baby clung to life, sitting and praying for healing for her, strength and faith for them, wisdom for the doctors, pulled at our own faith and gave us moments of overwhelming anger and questions. Why would God allow such a heartless situation to people who are so faithful and love him? And we had prayed in faith for Cora's restoration. So why didn't God raise her up? Why would he give life only to require it back in such short notice?

I remember standing in the back of the room at church during the worship time, holding Cora and feeling her little chest move with the effort of sound. Then realizing she was responding to the music and even to the feeling of the moment. And for a brief glimpse I saw her worship.

The movement of her tiny mouth, baby noises, baby nose, wrinkled with the effort.
a sense of sweetness floods my soul as I watch her in my arms.
How cute, my thoughts.
And Your whisper breaks into my thought,
Not cute, awesome, inspiring, worship.

In the middle of a time of worship, the people sing, stand, kneel, cry.
This little one joins in the moment, her heart tuned to Your Spirit and
The movement of her tiny mouth, baby noises, baby nose, wrinkled with the effort
Became the sweetest of praise among us.
Pure, innocent worship lifted from her tiny mouth to your Glory.
I stand in awe that even this littlest among us responds in worship.
And she responds with the movement of her tiny mouth , baby noises, baby nose, wrinkled with the effort, a true worshiper in Spirit and truth.

Yesterday our pastor spoke on a faith myth, "If you just believe, have enough faith, everything will be fine. If you just believe hard enough . . ." But life doesn't work that way always. The rain falls into the lives of unbelievers and believers alike. Death still has its moment that appears to be a victory. Dispair and grief are words that hold full meaning in these kinds of moments. So what good does this faith do for us then?

It is our hope, beloved. The hope of glory, the promise of eternity, the truth that it doesn't all end here and now. We have a tomorrow and there will be a day for those who know Christ when there will be no more tears; death's victory is swallowed up in the empty tomb of Christ and we can know in faith that we too will see that day. Cora is not lost to us. She is only away to a life we will know in full . . .someday. When the trumpet shouts and the Lord returns, or when each of us in our own appointed time step through that same door. In that day we will witness her worshiping at the foot of throne, casting her crown before him, and others we have missed and longed to see again will likewise be doing the same. The questions will disappear, for we will know in truth and completeness. Best of all, we will be with Him. Jesus and all that He is will fill our presence in a way that here and now we can only "taste and see", but then we will know.

So for now I can only imagine Cora as she worships at the throne, casting her crown before him and singing with joy. I look forward to the day when I too can cast my crown and sing before Him who is, who was, and who is to come.