a tribute to the Moms in my life

This week I was thinking about the women who have helped me become the woman, especially the mother, I am. I hope that as you read through my words, the women who have touched your life, the ones who have “mothered” you, will come to mind and give you a moment to pause and thank the Lord for the effort, the prayers perhaps, the life each one has poured into who you are today.

My mom, Barbara Pyle, first on the list, I don’t think I really appreciated the strength of this woman until a few years ago. I loved her and respected her, but somehow I don’t think I really “got it” until she moved away and left a void in my days. Somehow, my mom managed to keep an orderly home, work a full time job, and get us to our various scout meetings, dance lessons, and whatevers, while still being “mommy”. Together, she and my dad taught my siblings and me what it is to really love one another. My mom taught me to be humble enough to say “I was wrong, please forgive me.” That wasn’t taught by lecture or scolding. It was a gracious example she never missed to show. Mommy also made sure to “tuck” me in at bedtime almost every night of my life until the day I got married. May sound silly to some of you, but sitting on my bed the night before my wedding with my Mom is one of the sweetest memories I have. It signified to me the bigness of the coming moment, the newness that was coming with the dawn, and the love of my mother as she sent me into adulthood. When my dad was in ‘Nam, I sat with my mom most nights and learned to play card games. I was only 8 or 9 and probably should not have been watching Laugh In or the Smothers Brothers. But at the time I felt privileged and comforted by the special attention from her with my Daddy so far away in a place I knew was not good to be. I didn’t know she needed me as much as I needed her back then. She protected me the best she could, but having been “Daddy’s girl” from the start, it was good to be “Mommy’s helper” then. A few years ago, while she and Daddy were living in Texas, I had the opportunity to walk with her several mornings while visiting. We talked and laughed, and I found out things about my mom that I never knew. I think it was sometime during those walks that I realized, not how much I love her, that was already a given, but how much I really like my mom; how privileged I am to be her daughter, to be loved by this woman; and that somewhere between that little girl learning to play cards and the woman walking with her along a road in Texas, she became my friend as well as my mom. A friendship that is one more treasure she has laid in my life.

When I look in the mirror I see more than me, I see my Grandmom Pyle’s mouth. Odd thing to notice maybe, but I remember her mouth. Because one of my earliest memories is Grandmom playing Airplane with the spoon to get me to eat and it’s her mouth making the noises that I see when I close my eyes and remember. I remember the sweet sound of her humming, and the way she pursed those lips sometimes. I find myself standing with my hands clasped behind me in her manner and playing airplane with my grandbabies. And I love pansies and lilacs because of her. She was the grandmother who did crafts and who had a tambourine she took to church. I see much of her in me (even if I don’t carry my tambourine to church any longer, I do still stand in her manner).

I have a fierce love for my family. Playing with my children and now my grandjoys is every bit as important as discipline is, and entertaining in my home is one of the best things in the world to me. I know that all was planted in my being by a grandmother I called Mom Mom. This is the grandmother I remember playing Rapunzel and Cinderella with, baking peanut butter and chocolate chip cookies along side of, and eating drumstick ice cream brought home from her job. Mom Mom loved her family and she enjoyed us as well. She had a high chair in her kitchen when I was little. It was metal with steps that pulled out from underneath. She would pull that chair into the middle of the kitchen and then she would pin a towel into my hair so that my “hair” hung down to my toes. She would become the evil witch who locked me (Rapunzel) into the tall tower (the chair); from the tower I would call for the prince and she would become the prince. On her knees below the seat where I stood she would quote the line, “Rapunzel, Rapunzel let down your long hair!” and I would kneel down and toss the towel-hair over the back so the “prince” could “climb” the tower and release me from my prison! The taste of raw homemade cookie dough, those metal chairs, and so many other wonderful things fill my memory with her. She loved me and I knew it without reservation or want. She had an energy that we used to joke was the caffeine from all the coffee she drank (and there was some truth to that). But her energy flowed from a deeper, simpler, sweeter place than that. It was a place of service; a place that was grounded in faith and a simpler time, of farm life in the depression and being the youngest daughter in a family of eleven children. To Mom Mom serving her family was the same as saying “I love you; you are important to me.” Serving others was as natural as breathing to her. Anyone walking into her home was welcomed with a fresh glass of iced tea, a hot cup of coffee, or a fresh piece of pie. I see her every time I look into my granddaughter’s face. She was named after Mom Mom, but she looks like the pictures of my grandmother at two years old. I miss her dearly, but I am thankful every day that she was mine to have, and I pray that someday if the Lord waits, my grandchildren will remember with a tenderness that says “I’m glad she was mine,” about me.

At 20 years old I married a man I had known for five months, but knew I wanted to spend the rest of days next to. And in doing so, I met a woman who was destined to own her place in my heart, my mother-in-law, Shirley Collins. I have said it many times, but it is still true, I would still be married to my husband if I had picked him out according to who was his mother. She befriended me and spent most days with me during that first year of marriage. She encouraged, taught, advised in the most gentle of ways, and loved me. This immature, naïve girl, trying to be the woman she thought she was supposed to be, fell short, so very short almost every day. But “Mom” helped me to navigate those rough waters and understand this man that, in truth, I knew very little about. Through the almost 30 years she has been my mother-in-love, I have come to respect her gentleness, her good nature, her wisdom, and her strength. She accepted me into the family and was my ally from the beginning. From her I have learned how to accept and love my son-in-laws and my someday daughter-in-law. From her I have learned (well, I hope I have learned) how to offer advice gently and how to allow my children to be adults. (My mom was pretty good at that too. I suppose I needed a lot of gracious examples.) I have been richer and become a better mother and woman because Shirley Collins is my mother-in-love, not just in-law.

Lastly, three special young women have taught me some important things about mothering as well as offering me the sweetest of treasures. These young women are my daughters Kristi, Melanie, and Amy. Watching each of them as mothers, doing things they learned from me or have improved on from me, seeing them gentle their babies, laugh with their toddlers, discipline in love, and loving their children reminds me that all that came before was worth it. Every bit of hard or tough road, every unsure moment as mom, every tear and every prayer were worth getting to this moment, when on Mother’s Day I celebrate with these three young woman whom I have the privilege of calling “daughter”. I know they can say I am their mentor, their Mom, but I also hope they can say I am their friend. And that treasure? Well, Proverbs 17:6 says it best: “Children's children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children.” That’s why I call them my grandjoys.

There is not room to tell you of the impact others had, aunts and friends, teachers and sisters. Who has had an impact on your life, on who you are today? Who would you like to remind that you are the incredible person you are because of the love and encouragement that person had in your life? (And I can prove you’re incredible with a few scriptures, but that is a topic for another time).