Have you ever been wounded by a friend? I mean really hurt by someone you thought you could trust with your deepest and most intimate thoughts? Probably if you're older than 4 the answer is yes. The pain from that kind of hurt can change more than just the friendship; it can change you. It can change the other person. Now, have you ever been the person who wounded?
I always considered myself a good friend. I am merciful sometimes to a fault and I have a tendency to avoid conflict even when I should not. So I always thought of myself as a peacemaker, confidant, encourager, the kind of friend everyone wants to have at least one of.
Imagine my dismay when I discovered a few years ago that I am not the perfect friend. Sure I had failed as a daughter; I had failed as sister a few times; I certainly was not the perfect wife or mother. But the friend thing I thought I had tied-up pretty tight. Finding a smeared image of that "perfect friend" really shook me up.
A few years ago a situation arose between a sister-in-the-Lord and myself. It was really not a huge deal, and so I just let it go. But it bugged me and I squashed again, and again, and again, and finally I had to admit it was really a problem. Only by this time I had managed to drudge up every possible offense in that same area of hurt that I could think of or dream up. The anger burned deeply in my heart at the thought of this person and I could not be near her. I knew this was wrong. I knew I needed to forgive her according to many, many scriptures, not the least one being Matthew 6:15 "for if you do not forgive others their trespasses . . . neither will your Father forgive you your tresspasses." (Amplified Version) You mean like holding a grudge? Conjuring up more offense than existed? Or the big one that was just about to happen?
So I took my offense and proceeded to write it on paper to send her (oh, yes I did) so that we could "work it out". Now I don't know if you've noticed, but I can put words on "paper" and sometimes those words hold a bit of power in them. All of our words have power, after all we are made in the image of God. I can sometimes use that power for evil without meaning to do so. My words had the same effect as if I had sucker punched her. She had no idea I was even mad, wounded, hurt or whatever I was by that time. Out of the blue I hit her hard without a warning. My intention really was to clear the air, but oh it did not clear the air.
Fast forward a few years and another friend has said some things that wounded. And again I think it's no biggie and push it aside. (I am learning, just v e r y s l o w l y.) It builds inside and then one day she confronts me. Yep, she confronts me. I see now looking back that I was doing things to keep a little more distance because I didn't want to deal with the thing there between us. She didn't know there was a thing, because I had never mentioned it when it was just a little thing. Now she was wounded and deeply by my actions.
Today, the first friend has reached out to me a few times and slowly we are finding ways to walk in forgiveness, to live out the admonishment of the Lord. I know her original offense toward me was not intentional and certainly not with malice. I hope she honestly knows that I am deeply repentant for my caustic words so carelessly thrown at her.
The other situation is much fresher and there are probably some undone things there. But already I know God's kindness and mercy are working to bring peace in the situation. I don't know that this relationship will ever be fully restored. But I will always treasure the place this friend holds in my heart and I know she feels similarly.
I wish I could tie this up in nice tidely little package with a happy ending. But this really happened in both instances and the resolutions are still being played out. But there is comfort and there hope for each of us who are imperfect and sometimes careless with our words or actions.
Proverbs 10:12 states: "Hatred stirs up contentions, but love covers all transgressions." (Amplified Version) Wow, all covers everything! What good news for lousy friends like me (and probably like you)! What an awesome way for things to work. Of course there are consequences (like knowing what a terrible person I am without the love of Christ working in me and the loss of the friendship even if for just a season) and there are no guarantee that things will be the same (but whose to say they can't be better after all is said and done?) As we walk in the love of God (Christ) toward one another our failures fade away until they are unseen and not remembered (the same way). Which reminds me of one of my favorite verses in scripture: Jesus tells us in John 13:34 and 35 that he gives us a new command and that is to love one another. More than just the command though he explains that if we (when we) love one another all men will know that we are his disciples. All will know. We are His.
I will probably never be the perfect friend or the perfect anything else. But I will love my friends, and all the more those of the Body of Christ. For if nothing else can be said of my life, I want it said that I was His.
Matthew 6:12: "forgive us our debts as we also have forgiven . . ." (Amplified)
