Monday, June 20, 2011

Warm me

The cold darkness settles 'round me
I find myself once more questioning
Who Am I?
Am I really called to this?
Do I really belong?
Am I enough for the challenge?
Am I able?

As the darkness presses into my being
Blotting out the memory and the knowledge
Of what I know, of who I am
I feel myself spin
I feel a sense of loss within

But then quietly
Out of the Life that has become mine
Out of the Love that over flows measure
Out of the peace that cannot be taken from me
Even when I've surrendered it.

The quiet peace screams
In the silence of the darkness
And I know that it is not about who I am
But Whose I am
Not where I belong
But to Whom I belong
It's not that I need to be enough
I know Who is enough

And the cold of the darkness recedes into the shadows
As the Light presses in and warms the dark cold corners of me.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

I can?

I can do all things through Jesus Christ who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13
So does that mean all things?
Are there conditions?
Are there limitations?
How do I receive that strength that is referred to here?
According to James Strong in his Exhaustive Concordance the Greek word "pas" means all, every, all things, every thing. So, all.
I'm not feeling very capable of handling the load I have. I have probably taken on things that don't belong in my schedule. But then there is very little that I can see as extra. Perhaps you can relate to this? There are days when I feel like I just cannot do a good job at anything because I am spread so thin.
And so between laundry, dishes, bookkeeping at the business, running to Va once or twice a month, being a parent of two teenagers (you'd think I could do that blindfolded by now, wouldn't ya' but nah, not a chance), researching and writing papers for my degree, trying to eat healthy and exercise (who knew how much effort and time that takes!), writing my adoption book and writing my novels (yes, I have one about done and 2 others begun), then there's the scrapbooking consultant job I signed onto (creative memories), not to mention husband, adult children, grandchildren, and friends, and of course writing a blog weekly (Stop laughing!, no really, I do try), research for the books, and is there time to relax (well, if you look at my face book activity and my video viewing you would think there's plenty). In all honesty though, I know this is do-able. I just need proper expectations and I need to meet a few conditions and understand the limitations that I see applied and implied in this scripture and connected verses.
Paul wrote this from a jail cell. How is someone hopeful whose writing with prison guards outside the door? Paul was. It was possible for him and for me in my circumstances because my ability to do all things is not based on my ability but on Christ Jesus who gives me strength.
So wait, back up a minute, conditions and limitations? Yes, I believe there is. First Paul makes it clear that this is based on his relationship with Jesus and on his understanding of who he is in him. "through Jesus Christ". Jesus said it also in John 15:5 "He that abideth (to stay in a given place, state, relation, or expectancy, abide, continue, dwell, endure, be present, remain, stay, tarry) in me and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing (no thing)." If I abide, if I live in that place, state, relation of "him in me and me in him" then I can do all things, and if I don't live in that place, then well, I can do nothing. So the condition is to abide in Christ and the limitation is that if I don't live in that place then this doesn't apply to me.
In another place the psalmist counsels the reader to "delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." But what has that to do with this? Well, the desires of my heart were exactly what is so heavy for me right now. The weight of raising two adopted teenagers when I could be done parenting (in this level anyway) and fully embracing my grammyhood without contest with my mommyhood is one of those things. Teenagers, in case you have never dealt with any, are for many purposes tall, strong, mouthy two year olds. Perhaps I'm being a bit harsh . . . on second thought, no I'm not. But that's a topic for another blog day. The degree is ofcourse the delight of my heart, but right now it is really a weight to try to find the time to research well, and write well, the papers that represent my thoughts and to do them in a timely fashion (which is not happening at all). But they are and have been the prayful, hunger of my heart for a long time. With the blessing comes the responsibility within and staying in that place of delighting my self in Him, realizing that he after all really is the true and deepest desire of my heart and in that I can do nothing apart from him. Why would I want to?
So the condition is to delight in the Lord and the limits are that he (not me providing it for myself or through anyone else) will give (but it does not promise how or when), he will give and in his strength.
Ok, one more. Nehemiah 8:10 "the joy of the Lord is your strength." He said to Israel mourn not, because the people wept when they heard the words of the law. But their leader told them this day was holy so don't weep, the joy of the Lord is your strength. Our days are equally holy before him for we have entered a sabbath rest with the resurrection of Christ and in that holy rest there is a place of joy for the Lord has borne our sorrow and shame and redeem us to be his own, restored us to right relationship, and called us his bride. How could I not find a place of joy in that?
I don't know if I will ever find a way to really balance this life I have. I don't know if I will live one day when I don't forget or neglect something. I don't know if any of this will matter to me in ten years. But I do know that I can do it. Not because I am strong and capable, but because I recognize that I am weak and useless aside from Jesus who delights in giving me strength and ability to do what is beyond me. He knows the deepest desires of my heart and has over and over given me the joy of seeing them come to life. I have living proof of that daily each morning as my kids rise and call me "mom". I have proof of that each time I write a paper and send it in, one more done, one step closer to the dream. And I have it in his Word. What else could I possibly need for encouragement or proof?

Thursday, May 12, 2011

"God is so good."

"So glad God was with her."

"The Lord was kind and merciful in this."

Heard a lot of these today and I have said things like them today also. Today my seventeen year old daughter ran into the back of a pick up truck. The truck had stopped to turn left and she saw that. She also saw there was nothing approaching from the other direction. The sun was blinding her and she reached up to lower the visor and looked at it instead of keeping her eyes on the road. When she looked back the truck was still sitting there and she had no time to stop. Slamming her brakes she ran into the back and under, was spun around and ended up in a ditch next to the road. Airbag blew, seat belt held fast, and she was jerked and thrown a bit, but other than some bruising and soreness she will be fine in a few days. Scary stuff for her and for us as her parents.

Take it from me, that's a horrendous call to get at 6:55 am. Rich was just coming out of the bath to dress for work. I was trying to rouse myself out of the comfort of my sheets and blanket. Then the phone rang.

I am thankful that it happened just up the road not more than a 1/2 mile from our home. I am thankful she wore her seat belt and the airbag worked properly. I do believe that God said "this far and no further" and her life was spared because of his mercy. But as I uttered those words earlier today to someone, "God is so good." The thought crossed my mind, "What if she had not lived? What if she was hurt in a way that affected her whole life? What if the man in the truck had been killed? What if. . . . Would God still be good?"

I do not mean to sound ungrateful for His protection. I am deeply thankful today. I am not questioning God's goodness either. I have faced enough as a parent to know that no matter what my eyes see, He is still bigger and knows better.

Yet, I have friends and acquaintances who have lost children to car accidents and other things. And the question begs "Where was God's goodness when those children were lost? Was He any less God? Any less in control? Is He still sovereign, omniscient? Is He still good?"

When a parent has taught and set a good example, but the child chooses to do difficult or even dangerous things, and becomes a run away, an addict, or stays in an abusive relationship - couldn't God have stopped them?

When a child is molested and victimized even though the parents tried to protect and keep her safe, is God any less God because of it?

When a couple adopts a baby and wants to love and protect this child as their own, but finds the child cannot accept their love and will not respond in love toward them. Is God still love? Did He know how hard it would be?

When a daughter does nothing wrong except ride with a friend to school and ends up losing her life, is God still God?

I can tell you with assurance, He is still God 100%. He is still sovereign, and omniscient. He is still merciful, kind, and good.

In fact, it is his mercy, his kindness, and his goodness that will sustain one through such horrors. Death, abuse, addiction, rebellion and the like are the results of living in a sin torn world. They are the chart, the portrait set before us to remind us and call us to the Living God. He is more than good or merciful. He is Life. And apart from him we walk in death.

The psalmists cry over and over throughout the book not only in praise and gladness, but in distress and fear. In Psalm 88 the poet writes, "O Lord God of my salvation, I have cried day and night before thee: Let my prayer come before thee: incline thine ear unto my cry: For my soul is full of troubles and my life draweth nigh unto the grave." (KJV) It moves forward in the same manner crying out to God in dispair. These psalms are meant to comfort us as we relate to the distress and the cry of the heart.

In other places Isaiah tells us that the Lord's ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts. That even as the sky is higher than us so are the Lord's thoughts and ways higher than ours. Ruth Bell Graham told a beautiful story once about a life picture and how the person could only see the mess of tangles and threads hanging loose throughout the frame. The person was so ashamed that this was the picture her life had created and that the Lord would see such a mess. But when called to stand with Jesus what she saw was the other side of the work and it was a beautiful embroidered picture of Jesus. She had only seen the back side from here. But there next to the Savior she saw what it really looked like to Him.

I don't know how any one carries the deep heart ache of losing a child and not share that burden with Christ. I don't know how others parent without prayful consultations with the Lord. I do know that whether you seek him out or not, He is still sovereign, omniscient, good, kind, merciful, and by the way, gracious. We see the knots and tangles of this life and those things hurt us deeply. But when we trust Him with the pain and take comfort through His peace, His Spirit, only then will we find rest from even the senseless and life altering. That peace lifts us above our situation, above the moment and into His care, and we are able to breathe, to rest, to not need to understand it all but leave it in the Lord's hands without question. And in those moments when nothing else seems right or true or fixable - He is still God, He is still good.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Spring joy

There is something about spring that makes me want to dig in the dirt. I'm not an amazing gardner and my yard is usually the talk of the neighbors, unfortunately not the kind of talk you want to be. But turning over the cool earth on a warm day, dirt under my nails and staining my hands, that somehow always makes me feel better no matter how blue I may feel. I even like the smell of the dirt when it's first turned. It reminds me that with God there is also an opportunity for a new beginning, a fresh start, new mercies. A few minutes of pushing the brown stuff around and feeling the cool dry clumps break between my fingers brings a sense of joy that the new season is really here. I can now plant those seeds and plants with the warning on the package "after danger of all frost" or "after all danger of frost", something like that. The air feels fresh, the sun warm against the skin, and the breeze enough to enjoy the work without much sweat. There is also something about watching the various bulbs and other spring flowers and vegetables lifting their their brand new bodies through the dirt and stretching with all that is in them heavenward. There is a rush of joy, a new song of praise, a child-like exhuberance that fills me when I take up the spade or shovel and head out to the yard for the first time that year. It becomes a dance of worship, not of nature, but of Him. It seems as though the One who offers the day, the dirt, the breeze, the plants to me is breathing a sweet sigh as I kneel down and my heart leaps toward Him in gratitude. I am grateful for this moment, for these plants, this garden, yes. I am even more grateful for the sacrifice He made on my behalf, that these simple pleasures might show me His hand in a glimpse and the smiling faces of the johnny-jump-ups covered with the royal purple remind me that the price was paid by the King. Kneeling in my garden, playing in the dirt I find myself kneeling before the Creator's throne and the glimmer of His glory in the work of His hand set before me often is overwhelming. I have found myself in those moments of worshipful joy with silent tears as His breath becomes real to me and the delight of His presence is touchable. I think with the few minutes I left in the afternoon, I'm going to go out to the throne room to catch a glimpse. Want to join me?

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

A Curious Plant

I have several spider plants. Most, if not all of them came originally from my mother-in-law's 70th birthday party. Little pots of spider plants and red maples were set around the room as party favors by Dave, her son-in-law. For whatever reasons, the little maples I brought home died. But all of the spiders took off and grew and were transplanted into slightly larger pots and given away, while I kept a few babies to start over with again. One hangs near the front door with a promising batch of little spiders hanging from strong stems in the morning sunshine. Most people coming in don't even notice it, but it salutes those leaving with a wave and a wish for good life. I also have one of those plants (no idea what it's really called) that looks like huge shamrocks. I bought it for St. Patrick's Day and it sits on the window sill turning all the little faces toward the east each morning and filling up the window full of dirt (my seedlings) with blooms of green. Another house plant sits atop the bookshelf that divides the living room space from my little craft area. It's a philademdrum. I call him Dr. Phil because he's just the right kind of green medicine I need when the day is gray and I'm blue. I take him down and pull and fuss with the leaves, tangling and untangling the strands, and cleaning the dust from him. I always feel better after spending a few minutes with the good doctor. I got him from my mom a few years ago and he's lasted longer than most plants for I'm not really a green thumbed person. I just pretend pretty well. And then there's the curious house plant. She is one long vine and has long thick leaves. Not like the leaves of a succulent, but heavy and sturdy. She stays heavy at one end and grows a long stem that causes her to droop and eventually to break off. The leaves get longer and thicker as she matures and the plant produces a pretty little flower at the end, but the flower is short lived and really not the point. It's the plant itself that is the thing to enjoy. The stem stays the same thickness even as it lengthens and the leaves grow both longer and thicker. Eventually the stem cannot support the leaves any longer. She only breaks off once every year or two, and every time it happens I expect that the plant in the pot is dead (it looks dead). I put the flowering end, the leaves, into a jar with a rooting solution, and let the rest sit in its old pot and rest for a few days. It takes me by surprise every time it happens, but it happens every time. After a few days, usually about a week, I will be watering the plants around the old pot and notice tiny fresh leaves on the old stem. It's an amazing sight to see this old stem producing new life, fresh leaves and the old leaves producing new roots in the other jar. My great-aunt, Aunt Reggie (Regina) gave me the plant a few years before she passed away. She truely had a green thumb and could raise anything. The plant reminds me of her, strong and resourceful. It provides me more than just a memory though. It is a picture of my Savior's hand and the plan that God promised He has for me in the book of Isaiah. I have an annoying habit of taking on more and more responsibility until I cannot carry it anymore and something snaps and I lose it all, or something breaks off, falls off, or dies. Lately I have begun to feel that weight, the long thin stem holding and sustaining the heavy thick maturing leaves. A part time job in my husband's business; writing the blog; working toward my degree; writing two books - one about our adoption journey and one based on a biblical character; a new business adventure for me that will hopefully add to our income as well as provide me with an outlet for my creative bug; traveling twice a month to our son's school in VA; a small church related responsibility; all of the regular chores of life such as laundry, making appts., cleaning, paying bills, getting groceries, the normal things everyone does; and bible study, reading, prep for group, and prayer; and oh, yeah, rest. These are a part of what I have hanging from my life plant presently. Some days it is just too much. Now please don't read me wrong. I am not whining. Just stating the facts. Most of the time, I'm having a blast in the midst of all of this. But it really is over-load and I know it. I have taken on each of these responsibilities with prayer and I've tried to have discernment along the way. The plant is beginning to feel heavy with the leaves of the responsibilities as the stem of life grows longer and each leaf, thicker. I realize though, that at one time I would have been looking for the fruit or the flower, I know that right now it's not about that. The "flowers" these areas produce will not in all likelyhood, not be award-winning, stunning in beauty, or productive in nourishment like the flower of the apple tree or berry plants. No, the flowers may be seen by a few, but the plant and its growth is the point. The producing happens in the letting go, separating, starting over. As the old breaks away and responsibilities are completed they won't die off necessarily. Some of the leaves will fall away, but the majority will take new roots elsewhere. I suppose that at some point I will not work part time at the store any longer, someone else will do my job. My blog will end and you will read someone's else's glimpses and glimmers. My degree will be earned (oh, I so hope!) and I will either find where to use it or move into the master's program (doesn't that, in the light of knowing the Master, sound enticing?). The books will be written by God's grace and I will move on to others or not. The new business will grow and provide what I am hoping for or it won't. Our son will graduate and move on to college and we won't take a drive into the heart of VA twice a month any more. The church responsibilities will be passed on to someone new (someone with more administrative skills than I have I hope for their sake.) Each of these will offer a flower, a moment to enjoy them and what they have produced in my life. Their flower isn't the point though. The other responsiblities are just part of the core of the plant where the stem flows from, the piece that continues on even when the rest dies away. That's where the new leaves begin to sprout, out of that life. But in truth, they spring from the roots in the soil. The reading of the Word, the study and preparations of that study, and the time spent in prayer and at His feet are the roots. Yes, those things are the strength of the core plant and are steady no matter how the leaves weigh the stem down. My son gave me a calendar at Christmas that is titled "For Women Who Do Too Much". Hmm. Wonder how he figured that one out? Yesterday someone sent me a devotional that was dealing with over-commitment. I know I am once again in that place and I have a few clues of what I need to let go of. Nothing is really finished and so I believe I need to finish a few things. Perhaps it's this blog. Perhaps it's a few other things. Whatever happens I know that He will produce new life, new leaves in this old stem. The curious thing is that each time the plant has lost it's leaves it starts with one new set. This time there are two. That's never happened before. I'm wondering if it isn't a bit prophetic, and hoping that it is. How about you? Dropped any leaves lately? Any new growth? Are your roots strong? Oh! The soil where the plant lives, abides and receives all that's necessary to sustain life - it's Him. But you knew that.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

its really not about the fruit

Several years ago we lived in a rural area of Cecil County, Md. The area is called Fair Hill and it is truly an appropriate description of the beauty of the place. Especially before the building frenzy began there. The house we bought was my dream home.

It sat on two acres of land, most of which was a sloping front yard. The yard dropped gently to the edge and then quickly fell sharply to the road. Sitting on our front steps we could watch the cows graze just beyond the fence across the winding country road, and beyond the cows the creek gurgled and danced along in a wonderful display most days. Beyond the creek were acres and acres of horse farm and then just a few houses dotted the distance before the trees began to poke up high across the horizon. It was really a relaxing place to live.

In the spring I loved to sit out on the front lawn in the evening and watch as the stars popped out. The darkness of the sky was so much deeper without the lights of town and we never got tired of seeing the brilliance and multitude of stars twinkling above. And across our little valley and up our hill there would float haunting melodies from the ancient church just at the end of the road where the keeper of the historic building would practice his bag pipes from early April into May. He would practice in the afternoons and sometimes in the early evening and I would throw open the windows so I didn't miss a note if I couldn't be outside for the daily concert.

We bought the house in March and began that spring to clean up the overgrown yard. The hill across the front was covered with briers and weeds. The forsythia down the side was a tangle of yellow beauty. The mimosas and cherry blossoms were stunning in bloom. But in the back corner of the yard was a massive tangle of vines. We had found one tree in front of the mess that we were sure was an apple tree. But we had no idea what was under the maze of vines.

We spent most of the spring digging out the briers and tearing down the vines. By summer the front hill, although full of ruts, was beginning to show promise, and the vines were gone. To our surprise we found an orchard under all that mess. I believe there were 7 trees to start with. Seven peach trees sitting in the back corner just waiting to be discovered.

We were very excited at the prospect and set about learning what to do to save them if we could. We pruned them and sprayed them and fertilized them and waited. The first year produced very little fruit and what did develop rotted long before it ripened. Two of the trees died that year and one was not looking very good. But we hoped.

We were also tending the apple tree with care which did the same thing with its fruit. We didn't really care whether we ate the fruit at that point. We were just excited to be growing things and the yard was alive with such a variety of birds. A few species seemed to enjoy the mimosas the most. One day I counted more than 70 gold finches playing in the branches. We hung a hammock between the two and would lay quietly and watch as the hummingbirds would come in flocks. I had never seen a group of hummingbirds like that before and have never seen it since, but they would descend upon the mimosas in a flock and then flit from pink puff to pink puff, dancing and humming their wings all around me. It was amazing. It was perfect.

The fruit trees seemed to attract some birds, but not enough to be a nuisance and we thought that was curious since the yard was chock full of any number of different birds. They seemed to know the trees were sick and other than a nest each year in the apple tree, we had no bird problems.

The following year we hoped we would see better fruit, but it was the same thing. Fruit flowers, turned to small fruit, growing to almost full size and then they would drop off the tree still unripe but rotted. No worms, no mildew, just rotten from the inside out.

Again the third year, the same story, although the fruit seemed to get a little closer to ripe and the trees themselves were looking healthy and full of good leaves. It was a pretty, inviting little orchard. You would never guess that the fruit was no good.

By the fourth year our front yard had been completely filled in with fresh dirt and sod, the corner had a lovely little rock garden, and we felt like we lived in a little slice of heaven. The orchard was looking beautiful and the apple tree was full of lovely little flowers. We harvested good apples that year and enjoyed the fruit of our patience and hard labor. The peaches were not producing anything edible though. They looked just like good healthy peach trees, but they only seemed capable of producing rotted, useless fruit.

When we moved away from there five years after moving in we still had not seen any sign of healthy fruit. But the last season of the growing the peaches stayed on the trees longer, grew in weight, and had begun to look pickable and then they fell. Almost overnight it seemed they rotted. We had hoped this last year would be the year. But we moved. I don't know if they would have grown good fruit that last year for the new owners tore them out and put in a built in swimming pool in that corner of the yard. I knew it was their right to do with their new home, but I actually cried. We had worked so hard on that little corner and were so hopeful that it would bless the new owners with the fruit we had looked forward to all those years. But all our work was worthless.

Or was it? We never got to eat the fruit, but we spent many an hour learning and enjoying the yard in a way that we would never have chosen to do if that little orchard had not existed to begin with. We worked together and had the satisfaction of seeing it go from almost dead to four (in the end we only had four) beautiful little blooming trees.

I'm glad we didn't tear them out and toss them into the fire right away. I think sometimes my own healings have come slowly like those of the peach trees. Year after year the Lord graciously watered me with His word, "I have carved you into the palms of my hands and your walls are continuously before me." "You are the apple of His eye." "He delights over his people (and you are his people.)" Over and over, year after year he watered, he pruned, he poured good fertile things into the soil of my life. Season after season my fruit seemed to fall off too early, rot from the inside, not quite serve the purpose it was supposed to serve. But the Gardener tended my branches and lovingly removed the vines that choked me, covered me with the protection that allowed me to grow stronger and able, and removed the dead leaves, branches, and fruit to keep me growing healthier. And in the process I learned that the fruit when it did come in full and ripe, would bless others, would bless me, would bless Him. He was blessed simply by me though. Just as those trees standing in their little grove became a beautiful sight to me even though they never produce one piece of usable fruit, so it is with God and His people.

You don't have to be anything or anyone to earn your place in his love. He loves you because he is love. His desire is for you to know him and to know him deeply, intimately. Your fruit will become useful, ripe, ready for others, and it will bless him also. But it isn't the fruit He is seeking. It's you. Just you.

Zephaniah 3:17 The Lord thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing.

Yup, he prunes and that's not a comfortable or fun process - getting rid of dead or diseased things or things that are growing wrong. Yup, he will spray us with the right mixture of grace to protect us from the things that would chew us and destroy us. Yup, he will pour into the soil of our lives the things that fertilize and feed our roots and spirits. But everything he does, he does with the intention of developing you into a strong and healthy person, connected and dependent on his love and protection. He is mighty to save.

3/5/12  I reread this today and was reminded what a blessing it is just to belong to Him.  Something new soon, but for today I hope you enjoyed last year's march 5 entry.  Blessings, Cheri

Friday, February 25, 2011

Heavy with expectation

I headed out the front door in almost a run. I was, of course, running a few minutes behind. The warmth of the day caught my attention and I couldn't resist taking a deep breath. I paused just a moment before pulling the handle of the car door. Looking skyward I saw them.

Giants hung overhead. They filled the sky and all but obilerated the blue that had just a few moments before so carelessly colored the expanse above me. Now the giants loomed, dark and heavy. They looked like the child whose mouth is too full of water, ready to burst forth the contents any second now.

Despite the gray skies moving quickly into my day and over that joyful blue, I felt light and full of expectation. Not inspite of those clouds. No,no, because of them. It is still February and February in Delaware can mean harsh cold temperatures and piles of white (or very quickly dirty brown) stuff. February often likes to remind us here that spring is still weeks away and she does her best to chill our bones.

A few minutes later sitting in my meeting facing a window I watched as the huge rain drops began to explode on the pavement outside. Then it came like the bursting of something held back for a long time. It poured. Leaving the meeting I passed someone coming in the door as I was going out and she said, "Try to stay dry!" I smiled and responded. I wasn't worried about staying dry though. All I could think about was "it looks like spring out there!" Last weekend we had warm temps that made everyone hungry for what yet is still a dream. Then the snow came with the start of the new work week. Still, here we are back at today, warm and raining (and as I type, blowing hard like March, but blue again.)

This week, like most of my weeks, has been very busy and there was little time to pause and reflect. Something I need time to do in order to write. There was time to reflect on my school paper for it needed to get done (and finally, months into the project, it is mailed and I can move on to the second paper. Only nine to go, lol.) But there was the usual laundry pile. (I used to call it Mt. Never-rest, back when I had four and five kids in the house. Today it's more of a foot hill than a mountain - Praise God!) There is my work schedule for the garage. Cleaning; keeping current with teenagers lives, grades, loves, and projects; checking in with sick friends to see what I can do; praying with one several times; and all the other normal weekly things that have a way of piling up and silently screaming at me if I neglect them too long.

This blog took a backseat for the moment. Today as I thought about my reaction to the giant storm clouds as they rolled into my day I wondered for a split second why. Why was I glad to see them? The reasons were not far behind. The warmth promised rain not snow. The rain promises green grass and budding trees. Those clouds were heavy with promise, heavy with the expectation that spring will come as surely as dawn.

In my own life there are giants hanging over my head and yet I can't help but feel excited at the knowledge that they are there. Not because I like the rain that will surely fall, but from what that will produce in my life. There are things that are time consuming and difficult; there are challenges in our family life; there is uncertainty in important issues and decisions; and there are possible losses to come. Yet, I know that whatever rain falls it's because He reigns. He has a reason and will make sure it produces new green sprouts and buds bursting with life and color in my life. My life is heavy with expectations: expectations of finishing my degree, with completing my book, with opportunity to use my teaching/speaking skills again. Expectations of enjoying better days with my husband. Expectations of the joys that come with grandchildren growing up, a son completing Jr. High, a daughter heading into her senior year. Expectations full and weighty with good things. The air tingles with the sense of the presence of those giants looming large. But I am rejoicing. For I know the promise; I know the One who promises; and I know He is faithful.

Seen any storm clouds lately?