Around here stink bugs have become a terrible problem. They have no natural enemies and are not native to this area. So their population is exploding. They are not dangerous and they don't seem to harm too much. So what's the big deal?
The big deal is that they stink! They have this horrid chemical smell that is sometimes really bad and other times almost imperceivable. The other big deal is they are a complete nuisance. They fly right into your face, your hair, your food, your clothing. It startles a person. Which can be hazardous when driving. Yeah.
The other night our living room seemed to be a stink bug retreat center. I was trying to take down curtains to wash them and every single fold had at least one of the nasty little creatures. You can't squish them in case they emit the foul odor. You can grab them, but then what? Flush 'em? That costs in water. Toss 'em out the door? So they can fly right back inside first chance they get? I was bravely brushing them into the screened window sill and shutting the window in hopes that the cold that night would kill them all off. This was working fine until a few of the little buggers (buggers, get it? :0) ) until a few of them figure out they could make a quick dash back into the warmth of the room when I opened it to brush a few of their buddies in with them. The escapees flew right in my face, causing quite a loud and disturbing noise to rush through my teeth. At this point I called for reinforcement.
My hubby came to the rescue like a Knight in shining armor with bag in hand, and carefully one by one throughout the house he captured every stink bug he could catch. In all he had captured over 50 (58 I think was the exact count). While he was capturing them they must have been pitching a huge fit. Because the house smelled terrible long before he finished. Both he and I had hands that smelled like those gross creatures.
He finished and took the bag outside to kill them. As he entered the house he heard me calling. There were already 6 more in the living room! He just shook his head and headed to the sink to wash off the scent, ignoring my pleas for rescue once again.
Now I know you're sitting there saying, "Cheri, I really don't care about your stink bug problems! I have problems of my own. I thought you were suppose to give me a glimpse of God or a glimmer of His glory. Well?"
Ok, so I might be stretching this a bit, but this whole deal did give me a glimpse of Him working in my life. See there are sometimes so many little stinky things that buzz into my face, my thoughts, my life and distract, scare, and draw my attention away from where it should be that it takes a nudge from His Spirit to remind me of what is the priority and what is important. And if I play around too much with those stinky little things I find their scent sticking to me in the lost opportunities, the mixed up priorities, the important things that got lost in the shuffle. Then as I go about my days and throughout the week I smell the reminder of what I held in my hands instead of what I should have.
The really good thing is that the mercy of Jesus Christ extended to us in the forgiveness of sin is for every part of our life. The big stuff is obvious, but sometimes it's easy to forget that we need it for the little things too. We overlook the fact that little stuff to us is still sin and separates us or tries to separate us from that relationship with God that He gave so much to enter. But thanks be to God that nothing can separate us from the love that is in Christ Jesus! Repentance is like washing and washing in His mercy, His goodness, His grace is all that we need to remove the stench of this world and the little stink bugs that perfume our days sometimes. Simply kneeling there before Him and saying, "Savior, Adonai, I blew it again. I'm sorry, forgive my falling and strengthening me in humbleness for the next time, Lord, that I may honor you." Or however you say it. That's it and He picks up that nasty little bug and throws it so far from us that there no sight of it and no smell of the scent as His scent of forgiveness washes over and covers. And just like that it's gone.
So as I wash my hands today to remove the nasty buggy smell (again), I am using this moment as a reminder that my God is gracious and merciful in the big huge things and the little-bitty-don't-seem-to-matter-to-me-much things. He is a good Father who knows what harms lies in all of it and provides for our cleansing, even the little smelly things.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
whispers
Reminders of who I was
Memories of bad choices, destructive ways
Things I would do differently
Confrontations of accusations
Accusations of things that never were
Still haunt me
Why would they, do they believe that of me?
Even today - all these years later -
The sting of that indictment pulls tears from me.
Why does that still confront me?
And why does it still sting?
I stood before you this morning, Lord
Feeling the weight of my lack,
the weight of my offenses, even those imagined,
But your whisper speaks quietly to my heart.
Your gentle Spirit pulls me to sit at your feet.
In repentance and rest (is my salvation)
In quietness and trust (is my strength)
And you whisper words of wisdom to my wounded heart
And show me the foot prints of the past that led me to today,
to who I am . . . in you
And (now in this moment) I know it matters not
What is said or thought of me
Somewhere in that moment of stillness
I find my peace in you
My rest in my salvation
My strength in the quiet moment of trust
And I know you
are all I need.
A couple of years ago one of my children brought something to my attention. The something was a whisper that someone else in the family had "shared" with them about me that happened years ago. Only what was shared was not even close to true. What was true was not great, but it was nothing like what it had grown into. The humiliation of what they thought of me, even the thought that they believed it, hurt deeply. It hurt that the family member would tell anything like that to my child, even if the child is grown. It hurt that the child would believe such a thing, even if it had been true. But it wasn't true, deeper hurt.
What do you do with that kind of thing? Get angry? at whom? Get repentant? for what, the lie? or the truth, which had already been confessed and repented of long ago? Where do you put that kind of thing in your heart and mind? How do you answer the accusation when it is untrue and the piece of truth long gone? The truth was not overlooked and not minimized in the fact that sin is sin. It was already gone as far as the east is from the west.
I answered my daughter with candid honesty. I would change the truth of that moment if I could, that this was part of the consequences of choices we had so often discussed when she was a teenager. Yet, even after that, the feeling of guilt and the reminder of all those bad choices pulled the joy from me and left me gasping for peace within my heart.
As I sat with my Bible in hand and seeking forgiveness for something I wasn't even sure what, I found a passage in Isaiah that rebukes the listeners saying this is what God has for you, but you won't listen. There was no harsh rebuke in it for me. Just a gentle tug of the Spirit. "Will you take what I have already given you? Why are you bringing that back to me, again? You are stirring up what is long gone. You are pulling the west back into the east. Why? Has it brought you what you yearn for?"
No. It had not. But He could. He did. Before and again. Then and now, he is my peace and all that I need I found sitting at the feet of Jesus. Have you sat there lately?
Memories of bad choices, destructive ways
Things I would do differently
Confrontations of accusations
Accusations of things that never were
Still haunt me
Why would they, do they believe that of me?
Even today - all these years later -
The sting of that indictment pulls tears from me.
Why does that still confront me?
And why does it still sting?
I stood before you this morning, Lord
Feeling the weight of my lack,
the weight of my offenses, even those imagined,
But your whisper speaks quietly to my heart.
Your gentle Spirit pulls me to sit at your feet.
In repentance and rest (is my salvation)
In quietness and trust (is my strength)
And you whisper words of wisdom to my wounded heart
And show me the foot prints of the past that led me to today,
to who I am . . . in you
And (now in this moment) I know it matters not
What is said or thought of me
Somewhere in that moment of stillness
I find my peace in you
My rest in my salvation
My strength in the quiet moment of trust
And I know you
are all I need.
A couple of years ago one of my children brought something to my attention. The something was a whisper that someone else in the family had "shared" with them about me that happened years ago. Only what was shared was not even close to true. What was true was not great, but it was nothing like what it had grown into. The humiliation of what they thought of me, even the thought that they believed it, hurt deeply. It hurt that the family member would tell anything like that to my child, even if the child is grown. It hurt that the child would believe such a thing, even if it had been true. But it wasn't true, deeper hurt.
What do you do with that kind of thing? Get angry? at whom? Get repentant? for what, the lie? or the truth, which had already been confessed and repented of long ago? Where do you put that kind of thing in your heart and mind? How do you answer the accusation when it is untrue and the piece of truth long gone? The truth was not overlooked and not minimized in the fact that sin is sin. It was already gone as far as the east is from the west.
I answered my daughter with candid honesty. I would change the truth of that moment if I could, that this was part of the consequences of choices we had so often discussed when she was a teenager. Yet, even after that, the feeling of guilt and the reminder of all those bad choices pulled the joy from me and left me gasping for peace within my heart.
As I sat with my Bible in hand and seeking forgiveness for something I wasn't even sure what, I found a passage in Isaiah that rebukes the listeners saying this is what God has for you, but you won't listen. There was no harsh rebuke in it for me. Just a gentle tug of the Spirit. "Will you take what I have already given you? Why are you bringing that back to me, again? You are stirring up what is long gone. You are pulling the west back into the east. Why? Has it brought you what you yearn for?"
No. It had not. But He could. He did. Before and again. Then and now, he is my peace and all that I need I found sitting at the feet of Jesus. Have you sat there lately?
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Not Good Enough
Not good enough, not whole
Didn't, couldn't, do it right or well.
The waves of doubt and accusation
pound against me with a force
The causes my self-image to shudder.
And for a moment I see all my weakness, all of my failings.
For one moment I see only what I am alone.
But I am not complete alone, despite what the world screams at me.
I am not ok and I know it.
I am . . . complete in you.
I am able in you.
You fill up the holes and remind me
I am a child of the Father, the King.
And I am not a child because I am worthy.
I never needed to be worthy.
But I am worthy,
Because I am yours.
I struggled for years with a sense of worthlessness and failings. I didn't need to be convinced of my need for a Savior. What I needed to be convinced of was that He wanted me. Even long after I came to know the precious salvation of the blood of Christ, I struggled with a sense of not being good enough. I tried to measure up. I tried to earn the right. Although I would not have seen it in that way. I understood that working for salvation cheapened the sacrifice of the Lord. "You foolish Galatians, who has bewitched you?" I got it. But the underlying sense of worthlessness created an impossible barrier to move into pure desire. The overriding concern was about me. I didn't like it that way but there was no way around it. It took prayer, perserverence, and deliverance from that strong hold in my life.
As I prayed and others prayed for me I came into a place of better understanding and the chains loosened. As I perservered by the power of the Holy Spirit I came into a better understanding of who I am in Christ and who He is in me. Deliverence came in ministry from friends as they felt compelled to pray for me specifically one fall evening in 1996. I literally felt the binding fall from my spirit. I can't tell you what that was other than the grace of God confirming the work He was doing in me at that moment. It left not an ounce of doubt in me and the truth of my freedom in Christ was unshakable for me from that point forward.
Now that doesn't mean that I didn't fight for my ongoing hold on freedom. I was tempted at times to sink back into woe-is-me and I-just-don't-measure-up thoughts. There were moments, even days when I allowed those thoughts to slip back into my life and reign for short waves. Then He would step in and remind me who I am and to whom I belong, and what He had already accomplished in and for me. In that knowledge always came a rush of repentence and thanksgiving for the merciful, amazing love of my Savior.
Why am I sharing this with you? There are so many people today, even believers who suffer with depression and a warped sense of who they are. If we, as Christians, can be distracted into self-pity or a sense of worthlessness it will hold us back from being the person God created us to be and doing what God calls us to do. It rejects the mighty and holy soveriegn work of sanctification accomplished and being continually worked in us through the Holy Spirit. It brings the attention to us instead of to Him and denies the Word of God.
It is a good and important thing to see our sin and move in repentance. It is not a good thing to carry that stuff around like a badge or weight upon us. (as far as the east is from the west) Knowing we need salvation from even the "small" things is a good place to be. Knowing who we are in Christ is just as important.
I encourage you, whether or not you struggle with depression and a sense of worthlessness, to make a list of scripture that tells you who you are. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal those words to you and then pick at least one or two and learn them by heart. I know I am carved into the palms of his hands and my walls are continually before him; and I know that I am part of a royal priesthood; I am his poiema, his precious creation, created for good works, planned long before I was born. I know those because the word is part of who I am. I challenge you to make it part of who you are. Even if you already know, press deeper. He has so much to say to your heart. Lean in and listen to his whisper.
Didn't, couldn't, do it right or well.
The waves of doubt and accusation
pound against me with a force
The causes my self-image to shudder.
And for a moment I see all my weakness, all of my failings.
For one moment I see only what I am alone.
But I am not complete alone, despite what the world screams at me.
I am not ok and I know it.
I am . . . complete in you.
I am able in you.
You fill up the holes and remind me
I am a child of the Father, the King.
And I am not a child because I am worthy.
I never needed to be worthy.
But I am worthy,
Because I am yours.
I struggled for years with a sense of worthlessness and failings. I didn't need to be convinced of my need for a Savior. What I needed to be convinced of was that He wanted me. Even long after I came to know the precious salvation of the blood of Christ, I struggled with a sense of not being good enough. I tried to measure up. I tried to earn the right. Although I would not have seen it in that way. I understood that working for salvation cheapened the sacrifice of the Lord. "You foolish Galatians, who has bewitched you?" I got it. But the underlying sense of worthlessness created an impossible barrier to move into pure desire. The overriding concern was about me. I didn't like it that way but there was no way around it. It took prayer, perserverence, and deliverance from that strong hold in my life.
As I prayed and others prayed for me I came into a place of better understanding and the chains loosened. As I perservered by the power of the Holy Spirit I came into a better understanding of who I am in Christ and who He is in me. Deliverence came in ministry from friends as they felt compelled to pray for me specifically one fall evening in 1996. I literally felt the binding fall from my spirit. I can't tell you what that was other than the grace of God confirming the work He was doing in me at that moment. It left not an ounce of doubt in me and the truth of my freedom in Christ was unshakable for me from that point forward.
Now that doesn't mean that I didn't fight for my ongoing hold on freedom. I was tempted at times to sink back into woe-is-me and I-just-don't-measure-up thoughts. There were moments, even days when I allowed those thoughts to slip back into my life and reign for short waves. Then He would step in and remind me who I am and to whom I belong, and what He had already accomplished in and for me. In that knowledge always came a rush of repentence and thanksgiving for the merciful, amazing love of my Savior.
Why am I sharing this with you? There are so many people today, even believers who suffer with depression and a warped sense of who they are. If we, as Christians, can be distracted into self-pity or a sense of worthlessness it will hold us back from being the person God created us to be and doing what God calls us to do. It rejects the mighty and holy soveriegn work of sanctification accomplished and being continually worked in us through the Holy Spirit. It brings the attention to us instead of to Him and denies the Word of God.
It is a good and important thing to see our sin and move in repentance. It is not a good thing to carry that stuff around like a badge or weight upon us. (as far as the east is from the west) Knowing we need salvation from even the "small" things is a good place to be. Knowing who we are in Christ is just as important.
I encourage you, whether or not you struggle with depression and a sense of worthlessness, to make a list of scripture that tells you who you are. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal those words to you and then pick at least one or two and learn them by heart. I know I am carved into the palms of his hands and my walls are continually before him; and I know that I am part of a royal priesthood; I am his poiema, his precious creation, created for good works, planned long before I was born. I know those because the word is part of who I am. I challenge you to make it part of who you are. Even if you already know, press deeper. He has so much to say to your heart. Lean in and listen to his whisper.
Monday, September 20, 2010
When my heart is cold and unwilling
When my eyes don't see
When my ears miss your quiet call among the din of the day
You have not left me
Your presence surrounds me
Encompasses me
You never let go
You never let me go
Your hand upholds me
When I am most faithless
You are most faithful
When I hide from your presence
Your Spirit seeks me
When I come to your throne dragging up the past . . .again
You remind me that it's already gone
When I pull afar
You stay near
Calling my name
Whispering gently
Waiting
and reminding me
That you love me.
I praise you, Lord Jesus
You are today, yesterday, tomorrow
always, the same
Good, gracious, kind, loving
my salvation and my hope.
clc
When my eyes don't see
When my ears miss your quiet call among the din of the day
You have not left me
Your presence surrounds me
Encompasses me
You never let go
You never let me go
Your hand upholds me
When I am most faithless
You are most faithful
When I hide from your presence
Your Spirit seeks me
When I come to your throne dragging up the past . . .again
You remind me that it's already gone
When I pull afar
You stay near
Calling my name
Whispering gently
Waiting
and reminding me
That you love me.
I praise you, Lord Jesus
You are today, yesterday, tomorrow
always, the same
Good, gracious, kind, loving
my salvation and my hope.
clc
Monday, September 13, 2010
the dance
My granddaughter began dance lessons last week. She is not quite three yet and so little of the actual techniques are taught. She is learning to follow directions and move along with the music and the others. She has learned certain positions and she has shared her new knowledge willingly, demonstrating just how one becomes an elephant in dance. Grammy was impressed. I never achieved an elephant while dancing, I must say. And when music comes on and all the boys run for the rhythm instruments, my girl usually puts whatever she gets down fairly quickly in favor of spinning and moving her arms about with graceful waves. She truly is Grammy's girl. Grammy's heart still dances even when my body doesn't.
There are Hebrew words translated to say rejoice that really mean things like skip, leap, twist, dance, spin, move in a sacred procession, shake violently. Just a little more expressive than "make glad" wouldn't you say? Our lives are sacrifices of praise when we live "unto the Lord" and the movement of our bodies speak to that.
I remember standing in a Christian coffee house several years back and watching a group of kids "moshing". Watching them through squinted eyes I wondered how could this bring God glory. The funny thing is that those very definitions flew into my thoughts immediately and I remembered wondering what "shaking violently" would look like. Hmmm.
I'm not asking you to agree with me as to whether any particular form of "dance" is godly. I'm just thinking about how we use our bodies to bring glory and become living sacrifices to him. The church in general many years ago decided dance was evil or maybe they really decided it was too much trouble, this is good, but that is not. Then in the 70's & 80's a huge revival of worship dance came into the church through the charismatic movement. Some of it filtered into the 90's and even today. For the most part though, I think it has been put back on the shelf once again too much.
Whatever the church does with dance in the place of corporate worship my prayer is that my grandchildren will find those secret moments of intimate worship that exist between them and Him and in those moments find the tangible dance of the spirit that touches deep and calls to deep. For it is in those moments that I have found who I am in Him, who He is in me, and what the dance is really all about.
The Dance
The rhythm
the movement
entwining of feet
the flow of the fabric
ribbons fall in graceful billows
the point of the toe
a finger
eyes lift to Him
from the heart
not for show
in sharing
from the spirit
submission of the flesh
act of worship
living sacrifice
clc
There are Hebrew words translated to say rejoice that really mean things like skip, leap, twist, dance, spin, move in a sacred procession, shake violently. Just a little more expressive than "make glad" wouldn't you say? Our lives are sacrifices of praise when we live "unto the Lord" and the movement of our bodies speak to that.
I remember standing in a Christian coffee house several years back and watching a group of kids "moshing". Watching them through squinted eyes I wondered how could this bring God glory. The funny thing is that those very definitions flew into my thoughts immediately and I remembered wondering what "shaking violently" would look like. Hmmm.
I'm not asking you to agree with me as to whether any particular form of "dance" is godly. I'm just thinking about how we use our bodies to bring glory and become living sacrifices to him. The church in general many years ago decided dance was evil or maybe they really decided it was too much trouble, this is good, but that is not. Then in the 70's & 80's a huge revival of worship dance came into the church through the charismatic movement. Some of it filtered into the 90's and even today. For the most part though, I think it has been put back on the shelf once again too much.
Whatever the church does with dance in the place of corporate worship my prayer is that my grandchildren will find those secret moments of intimate worship that exist between them and Him and in those moments find the tangible dance of the spirit that touches deep and calls to deep. For it is in those moments that I have found who I am in Him, who He is in me, and what the dance is really all about.
The Dance
The rhythm
the movement
entwining of feet
the flow of the fabric
ribbons fall in graceful billows
the point of the toe
a finger
eyes lift to Him
from the heart
not for show
in sharing
from the spirit
submission of the flesh
act of worship
living sacrifice
clc
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
tasting, trusting, moving, crazy fast
I don't know about your life, but my life feels crazy sometimes. Not crazy like funny or over-the-top. No, crazy like mentally insane. And this usually happens when really good things are going down.
This past weekend was one of those crazies. We got a call on Wed. asking us to come for an interview for a school we wanted to send our son to. Sure, no problem we can come in a week or two. No, Friday. Friday? Like 2 days from now? Yes.
So schedules were rearranged, info passed to who needs it, really discussing and fussing over the details that were being discussed but not in urgency. Run a five hour drive on Thurs. for an interview and tour on Friday. Home on Friday. Shopping on Saturday. Family goodbyes on Sunday and packing. Up early Monday and 5 hours there to leave behind our precious boy.
I expected it to be hard. I thought I would cry on the way home. I didn't. It really wasn't. Not because I don't miss him. Not because I'm not emotional. I do. I am. It was easier in one sense because the reality of his leaving for long term is not real to me yet. But even more, the reality that this was something only the Lord could pulled off. help with the finances so that it could happen; Tim wanting to go and liking the idea (at least until the last minute); even my husband being in and ok with it, none of that was normal or easy. yet, it was easy. It happened and everything fell into place.
The weekend passed and Tim is there and the house if extremely quiet. My heart is assured by this peace that is beyond natural. I know this is right. Crazy fast weekend aside, it all worked out perfectly; or maybe because of the crazy fast weekend. There was no time to chew on it, think it through further, mull it over and discuss it unceasingly. It happened. It is what I was praying for. It's put together and I know He did this. I stand believing that what is left to come together to make this work will come together. For I didn't act rashly; I prayed for three months and then moved when told to move.
And the complete assurance of scripture is that because I am trusting the Lord to work this out for Tim's good and mine, I know that I can't really make a mistake. He will work it out for our best. I trust Him. He has never given me reason not to and every reason to lean on Him.
(Proverbs 5:3; Rom. 8:28; Ps. 34:8; Ps. 37:3-6) Blessings, Cheri
This past weekend was one of those crazies. We got a call on Wed. asking us to come for an interview for a school we wanted to send our son to. Sure, no problem we can come in a week or two. No, Friday. Friday? Like 2 days from now? Yes.
So schedules were rearranged, info passed to who needs it, really discussing and fussing over the details that were being discussed but not in urgency. Run a five hour drive on Thurs. for an interview and tour on Friday. Home on Friday. Shopping on Saturday. Family goodbyes on Sunday and packing. Up early Monday and 5 hours there to leave behind our precious boy.
I expected it to be hard. I thought I would cry on the way home. I didn't. It really wasn't. Not because I don't miss him. Not because I'm not emotional. I do. I am. It was easier in one sense because the reality of his leaving for long term is not real to me yet. But even more, the reality that this was something only the Lord could pulled off. help with the finances so that it could happen; Tim wanting to go and liking the idea (at least until the last minute); even my husband being in and ok with it, none of that was normal or easy. yet, it was easy. It happened and everything fell into place.
The weekend passed and Tim is there and the house if extremely quiet. My heart is assured by this peace that is beyond natural. I know this is right. Crazy fast weekend aside, it all worked out perfectly; or maybe because of the crazy fast weekend. There was no time to chew on it, think it through further, mull it over and discuss it unceasingly. It happened. It is what I was praying for. It's put together and I know He did this. I stand believing that what is left to come together to make this work will come together. For I didn't act rashly; I prayed for three months and then moved when told to move.
And the complete assurance of scripture is that because I am trusting the Lord to work this out for Tim's good and mine, I know that I can't really make a mistake. He will work it out for our best. I trust Him. He has never given me reason not to and every reason to lean on Him.
(Proverbs 5:3; Rom. 8:28; Ps. 34:8; Ps. 37:3-6) Blessings, Cheri
Monday, August 30, 2010
Praising Him for the Pressure
A familiar feeling hit me today. I am overwhelmed, overwhelmed by the various resposibilities that are weighing on me, overwhelmed by my inability to juggle all that seems to be required of me. There are balls falling left and right and it bothers me. There are huge balls that are threatening to crush me if they fall, and so I dash here and there in an attempt to keep the balls from dropping. It reminds me of the variety shows I watched as a kid and the plate spinners they would feature. Does anyone remember those? The guys that would set a plate on a thin pole and spin it, move to the next and do the same, continuing down the poles and then running back to spin the others again, and eventually grabbing them off safely or every once in awhile a plate would crash and he'd toss another up on the pole and spin it. Yup, I feel like that.
I started working part time at our garage again in the office. I started homeschooling Tim for eighth grade while looking for a better option for both him and me. I started my fourth year toward my degree and I am totally confused with what I'm doing there. I have been desperately trying to spend some time with my brand new grandson, Saor. Haven't worked on my writing in weeks now. Been fussing with phones and computers that didn't work. School shopping, end of summer events, school meetings, and all the stuff that goes with this portion of life. I feel burnt out without ever getting started.
I can't let anything go and I don't think I am doing anything beyond what I am called to do. So what can be the answer then? "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perserverance. Perserverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." (NIV)
Ok, what I am trying to say is this, I don't feel joyful, but when I think about any testing, any pressure, any persecution (of which I face very little) I can be sure by the Word of God that it will test my faith to develop perserverance. And I want to be perservering because that creates maturity in my faith, and completeness and lacking for nothing. Those are things I have asked the Lord to create in me, to build into my faith. I pray at least daily for wisdom and then I want to complain about the pressure, the weight, the pace, the responsibilities; when in truth I should be praising God for answered prayer!
I don't know how this all will all work out. I don't know for certain that the choices for schooling Tim will work out the way I hope or that I will do a wonderful job on my first assignment for seminary or that I can do the office work and manage to keep up with the teenagers schedules. What I do know though is simple, God's word is true and he is using this to bring my faith into a deeper more complete place, lacking nothing and being granted wisdom for what I need.
So today, I am praising him for the pressure!
I started working part time at our garage again in the office. I started homeschooling Tim for eighth grade while looking for a better option for both him and me. I started my fourth year toward my degree and I am totally confused with what I'm doing there. I have been desperately trying to spend some time with my brand new grandson, Saor. Haven't worked on my writing in weeks now. Been fussing with phones and computers that didn't work. School shopping, end of summer events, school meetings, and all the stuff that goes with this portion of life. I feel burnt out without ever getting started.
I can't let anything go and I don't think I am doing anything beyond what I am called to do. So what can be the answer then? "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perserverance. Perserverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." (NIV)
Ok, what I am trying to say is this, I don't feel joyful, but when I think about any testing, any pressure, any persecution (of which I face very little) I can be sure by the Word of God that it will test my faith to develop perserverance. And I want to be perservering because that creates maturity in my faith, and completeness and lacking for nothing. Those are things I have asked the Lord to create in me, to build into my faith. I pray at least daily for wisdom and then I want to complain about the pressure, the weight, the pace, the responsibilities; when in truth I should be praising God for answered prayer!
I don't know how this all will all work out. I don't know for certain that the choices for schooling Tim will work out the way I hope or that I will do a wonderful job on my first assignment for seminary or that I can do the office work and manage to keep up with the teenagers schedules. What I do know though is simple, God's word is true and he is using this to bring my faith into a deeper more complete place, lacking nothing and being granted wisdom for what I need.
So today, I am praising him for the pressure!
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